There is no way someone, woman, could have their self esteem intact when they have never been pursued first by all the men she likes.. after living in this world where everything gets romanticized in the media, where other women get wooed and pursued by the men, where the women job is to wait.
When her crushes all settled with cute and pretty women that just not her...
Seeing how there is definitely some sort of generational trauma that I have, financial needs, and personal/professional aspiration, I feel that it is extremely difficult and challenging for me to ever have a good romantic relationship and even get married.. Must admit that I'm not feeling optimistic right now and really can't imagine how I could ever find someone to fall for or to have someone fall for me.. and to have a bond so strong that we are willing to commit forever.. and to have the financial means to support adequate lifestyle cost and to raise other beings...
I just don't know man.. I would want a companion, but I don't see any possibility even for me to open up to new people in this space.. So I'm being realistic and setting expectation.. and living life vicariously through medias I consume.
I don't know what to pray for myself for now. God I hope I can find what exactly is I am looking for somehow, whatever it is
