If only I were less pathetic..

Then I wouldn’t have to find happiness externally, through projection to pop culture and celebrities.

Then I would have experienced more of real life that people are talking about

Then I would not be proud of things that someone else did

Then I would not be ashamed of things that someone else did

Then my happiness would not rely on others

Then I wouldn’t be that friendless loser who spent her time fangirling shameful things

Then I wouldn’t be that friendless loser

Then I wouldn’t view myself as a friendless loser

Then I would have more people understanding me

Then I would have more people accepting me

Then I would have various peer group from all walks of life and not be awkward around people

Then I would be more confident

Then my confidence would not rely on my pride

Then I would have more love from others

Then something this trivial wouldn’t be my source of happiness for the past 10 years.

Then something this trivial wouldn’t harm me this much

…………………